Untitled
No title for today.
No pictures for today.
Had a sudden feel of writing.
I always have a lot of stuffs wandering around in my head.
To tell you I am a happy go lucky girl, obviously a lie.
I wish one day my family and relatives would understand me.
It's okay to have other people like friends to understand.
But nothing more important than family and relatives.
Once they don't accept who you are, you're doomed.
If they're reading this 4 lines, they must already know what I'm saying.
But I am a coward.
Because they will never have the chance to read this.
I am scared, I am worry.
I am afraid to show who I really am.
I don't know what to do.
I'm not gonna stand out and say I'm proud to be what I am now.
Cause no one is gonna listen.
No one will appreciate.
Yes, friends are understanding, because their age and your age are different.
In your age, you will never understand people like "us".
Some of you are looking down on me,
you're thinking I'm abnormal,
I'm not acceptable,
I'm embarrassing you in the public.
Well, I don't blame you..
But I want you to know that
I am just a human like you.
I need love like you.
I need caring like you.
I want to be loved like you.
I want to be cared like you.
And I think I am okay being myself now.
I think I'm fine like this.
Cause I am normal just like you.
People are just fucking lucky that they born normal.
That, they don't have to deal with everyone around them
especially family.
Now "we" are the one suffering trying to make
ourselves acceptable.
And no, I'm not upset about this.
I will never feel sad about this.
Because I don't need any sympathy
or making you forcing yourself to accept me.
I want you to accept me with your heart.
That you can just take it I am a normal human like you and everyone else.
Lol, this is going nowhere even though you've heard Lady Gaga's Born This Way.
You said,
If I am that kind of person
You will disown me
You will abandon me..
I can't afford to lose you.
I don't want to live as an orphan.
I don't want to sleep on the street.
I don't want to be a person without a home.
And most important..
I don't want to live without you.
You are important to me.
But every time when I am around you.
I am faking myself.
I don't feel comfortable around you.
I am afraid of you.
But I cant force myself to be the way you want me to be.
I am unhappy around you, I am sorry to say that.
You are judging me everyday.
Every second, by looking at me.
I see the way you glare at me,
with your uncomfortable mad eyes.
I look away quickly to avoid your eyes
and pretend that I don't see anything.
Comments on my hair, clothes, appearance.
Have you ever thought what I like?
Have you ever try to think what I exactly want?
I really don't know what to do anymore about this.
With people loving me and loving me not,
with people supporting me and supporting me not,
with some people trying to change me and judge me
and also with people telling me to be myself,
I'm tired of all this.
I am also tired of pleasing you and people.
And I am fucking tired with putting on a fake smile.
Why make me blend in with all these mix emotions?
I don't know what I am anymore.
